Area Cat Maintains “Good Girl” Designation Despite Violent Attacks On Last Three Visitors
Mrs. Arlene Mitchell, head of the Mitchell Family Governing Body for Cat Classification, has ruled that household feline Fluffy McMittens will continue to be referred to as “good girl,” despite having drawn copious amounts of blood from the last three people to step foot inside the Mitchell house.
“I’m not saying any of our guests purposely antagonized our little princess,” said Mrs. Mitchell, “but they all realize they were to blame, trying to pet Fluffy before she had eaten. Or after. Or within three hours either side of a nap.”
“And Agnes, God bless her, she came over wearing a pair of pants with a bit of green in the pattern, knowing full well that all of Fluffy’s favorite toys are green. Of course she was going to latch on with every single tooth and claw — she was playing!
“We all had a big laugh at Agnes’s boo-boo after verifying Fluffy had missed the femoral artery.”
Asked for comment, lone “good girl” dissenter Mr. Benjamin Mitchell — dressed in two pairs of insulated jeans, three sweatshirts, heavy-duty work gloves, and a beekeepers hat — slipped a note out from under the locked door of the guest bedroom reading For the love of God, keep your voice down or you’ll wake her!
At press time, Mrs. Mitchell was applying the last of the family’s bucket of Neosporin to three eight-inch long scratches on her forearm, an injury which was “totally her own fault” for startling the poor baby by eating a potato chip.
