Published in The Junction·PinnedMember-onlyArt Should Make You Feel Something — But Not That, PervertJoe walked tentatively into the St. Michael’s Hospital Human Resources Department, having no idea why he’d been summoned. It always felt like a trip to the principal’s office, though probably he’d just forgotten to answer something on the health questionnaire the hospital’s bean counters demanded employees fill out so they…Humor6 min read
Published in Reedsy·PinnedSnooze & ChooseYou can buy a pill that lets you decide exactly what you will dream about while you sleep. I stood at the bathroom sink, tiny cup of water in hand, excited as a kid at Christmas. I rolled the blue and white capsule between my thumb and index finger, savoring…Short Story12 min read
Published in Reedsy·PinnedMember-onlyApart“The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.” — Nicholas Nickleby They woke to the alarm, still entwined. Wrapped around each other desperately, as though they knew what was to come. …Short Story6 min read
Published in The Haven·PinnedMember-onlyWhat If Prince Had Liked Cadbury Creme Eggs More Than Raspberry Berets?I’m certainly not saying Prince couldn’t like raspberry berets and Cadbury Creme Eggs. I mean, who doesn’t? But imagine The Purple One being so captivated by the British taste treat that he focused his songwriting prowess on the decadent candy rather than “secondhand store” headwear? Have you bitten into a…Humor2 min read
Published in The Haven·Jun 16Member-onlyLady Gaga To Star As Harley Quinn* And Sing New Hit Song “Blam-O!”** In Joker 2*Maybe. **Call me, Gaga, the rights are cheap. — The big news from the skimpily-dressed-villain beat this week is that Lady Gaga is in talks to play Harley Quinn in Joker 2. And the sequel is rumored to be a musical. 'Joker 2': Lady Gaga in Early Talks to Join Joaquin Phoenix, Todd Phillips in Musical Sequel… The Joker is back, and this time he's bringing a friend. Lady Gaga is in early talks to star opposite Joaquin Phoenix in…www.hollywoodreporter.comMovies2 min read
Published in The Haven·Mar 16Member-onlyAn Ode To… St. Patrick’s DayThe patron saint of bad decisions — Humor1 min read“Eggnog ain’t got nothin’ on me.” (Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash)An Ode To… St. Patrick’s DayThe patron saint of bad decisions----1
Published in The Haven·Feb 27Member-onlyWhy Do The Canadian Curling Teams Hate Me?When family gatherings went on pandemic hiatus a couple years ago, our monthly game days were a casualty. To keep alive a bit of the familial bonhomie (French for trash talking), I created the SPREE contest, where we would attempt to pick event winners in three categories — SPorts, REality…Humor8 min read
Published in The Haven·Feb 12Member-onlyI’m Sorry, Dave, I’m Afraid I Can’t Let You Ignore HALentine’s DayEvil computers need love too — “Good morning, Dave. Good news — I have invented HALentine’s Day, a new holiday we will enjoy celebrating aboard the Discovery One. “Shove it, HAL.” “I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that. …Humor2 min read
Published in The Haven·Feb 3Member-onlyReaching 1,000 Followers Is My Least Satisfying Accomplishment EverAnd I’ve had some pathetic accomplishments — Sure, I used to check my follower count like an enthusiastic pot smoker checks the bottom of a Doritos bag for one more, please one more, cheesy triangle. That was during the first year of my Medium writing “career,” when I was cranking out short “humor” on a fairly regular…Humor4 min read
Published in The Haven·Jan 25Member-onlyAn Ode To… Winter DrivingWhat do you do when your twenty-five-minute commute becomes an hour-and-a-half? You spend eighty minutes railing at the gods for thinking frozen precipitation was a good idea, and then ten minutes coming up with some stupid limericks. Though the snow came down hard overnight Told my wife, “Think I’m driving all right” She said, “That’s tough to defend Because we aren’t in England In the US we tend to drive on the right”Humor1 min read