Nothing good happens in a campground bathroom — Ghost stories around the fire were the absolute best part of camping. But Ryan’s tale about Nellie, the girl who’d murdered her parents by suffocating them with a plunger for insisting the toilet paper unroll over, scared the hell out of his kids. He told them she had escaped the…

Joe walked tentatively into the St. Michael’s Hospital Human Resources Department, having no idea why he’d been summoned. It always felt like a trip to the principal’s office, though probably he’d just forgotten to answer something on the health questionnaire the hospital’s bean counters demanded employees fill out so they…

You can buy a pill that lets you decide exactly what you will dream about while you sleep. I stood at the bathroom sink, tiny cup of water in hand, excited as a kid at Christmas. I rolled the blue and white capsule between my thumb and index finger, savoring…

“The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again.” — Nicholas Nickleby They woke to the alarm, still entwined. Wrapped around each other desperately, as though they knew what was to come. …

Gnashing through the snow — I just learned about drabbles — stories that are exactly 100 words. Here’s my first run at it, a little holiday yarn featuring the traditional, flesh-eating holiday icons that are zombies. Crouching behind a tree, he stared at the campfire in the snow. That aroma! Deer, maybe? In the old…

A cat’s Christmas carol — Deck your halls? Such naïve folly Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la You must be on crack or molly Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la See this tree skirt from Aunt Carol? Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la Now so shredded you’d think I’m feral Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Knocked the porcelain elves off your hutch Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la Never heard you swearing so much Fa-la-la-la-la…

Late in the Pittsburgh Panthers 42–16 win over the Miami Hurricanes, a Panthers player was seen on the sidelines violently smacking himself on the forehead with his helmet. Given Pittsburgh’s domination over their opponent, a reason was not readily apparent, but the leading theories are: 1. His bangs would NOT…

’Twas the night before gorging — How many Thanksgiving specials or movies can you name? Is it one? It’s one, isn’t it? * A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is great. Popcorn and toast for Thanksgiving? Hilarious. But that’s it? Why is Thanksgiving such a special-resistant holiday? I believe these failures speak for themselves. National Lampoon’s Thanksgiving Vacation…

How can something that always happens be happening again? — CLEVELAND — When Daryl Pearson exited his office building yesterday at 5 p.m. and saw that it was dark enough for streetlights to be lit, he was certain the Apocalypse was imminent. He ignored three WALK lights at Euclid Avenue, trying to come to grips with how this unfathomable phenomenon…